New Moon and New Hope

As I sat on my couch and watched out the window this morning with my tea in hand I felt an odd sense of displacement. I have done this same morning routine for a while now. Routines where I just flow through my day with out really experiencing it. Some days even a routine is too hard for me to handle and I lay in bed with my thoughts racing through my head. As I sit on my couch again tonight and watch as the other college students are celebrating this Wednesday for some reason or another, all I can think about is the movie New Moon, the one from the twilight series. I never really understood or connected with the movie as much as I do sitting here right now. The day to day tasks might get done and some basic contact with the outside world occurs but ultimately its just you alone with your thoughts watching the seasons go by. Your peers in the beginning are trying their best to hold tight to your connection with reality but after a while their strength, their persistence fades and you start to drift. Your family doesn’t know how to help but they hate to see you in pain and hate even more to see you emotionless. The days get dark and sleepy but then there is a light in the distance. You meet a person, or reach out to a friend, or talk with a doctor. You finally get a glimmer, a whisper of hope. Hope that came when it was most needed in time. Thats the intriguing thing about time, this is all temporary. The emotions you feel, the thoughts you are having, they are temporary. So when as I am sitting on the couch in a dark moment I try to remember that this is temporary and that soon the hope will come back, doing that makes the day a little easier to handle.


August 8

Hey everybody Happy Monday! Its noon here and I have already accomplished the world today. I went to work for a few hours this morning and then started the cleaning process of my apartment. I live with 2 other girls at the moment and another one is set to move in next week. So we are now going through and deep cleaning and decluttering the apartment. I have gathered 2 full bags of garbage, and 2 more bags of items to donate. At this point my really gross roommate still has not talked to me in three days…I have never been happier! She is terrified of me after the stuff she tried to pull this weekend here. Still no new date planned with the one I went on a picnic with but I am hoping to see him before I go home to my moms house for a few days later this week. Tonight, however, I have work with a guy that I have been sleeping with occasionally for the last few months. I am looking forward for the work shift because there is a lot of downtime meaning a lot of secret comments or fleeting glances. For the rest of the day before my shift I know I should accomplish some planning for my next semester but I just cant bear to make this week start off on a bad foot by looking at it all. Instead I am going to lay in my hammock and watch Netflix while relaxing. So my fellow cyber people have a lovely Monday and I hope we both get laid tonight!



August 3

Alright so today makes the third day in August. I know i missed yesterdays post so I am going to start with a recap of August 2. Yesterday I worked for most of the day and then completed my whole work out plan with my roommate. She and I are getting along well at this point but our other roommate is annoying me. She is a slob, like smelly room, dirty cat box, black sink disgusting. But back to my day…I went out to my best friend J’s house we hung out there and watched the dogs for a while so that was nice. It was just an off day though so I wasn’t really feeling connected to anyone.

Okay now on to August 3rd. Today so far has been going really well other than the beginning. I woke up to a dirty oven. This may not seem like a terrible thing but the roommate i mentioned before was supposed to clean it the night before, it obviously had not been touched. So at 5am before work I cleaned the oven. She then had the audacity to complain about the noise and say that she had already cleaned it. But whatever I hope she moves out soon anyways. So then I went to work. I got paid today, payed all of my monthly bills and still had some fun money left over. I am meeting up with an old friend from high school in a few minutes. She and I catch up every few months. Its one of those friendships that no matter how long its been you just pick up right where you left off and are still thick as thieves. I also have a date tonight. Its the fourth one with the same guy so I am nervous. We are going on a picnic dinner tonight at the park, I told him it was my favorite dinner place on the first date….he remembered. So overall a good day!